


But I Like to Think You Hear Me Sometimes

by slytherinski



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers Endgame, Avengers Endgame Spoilers, Avengers Family, Canon Compliant, Coping, Depression, Fix-It of Sorts, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Canon Fix-It, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Voicemail, endgame spoilers, had to get this sad shit out of my head sorry in advance!! enjoy!!!!, iron dad and spider-son, not really that much of a fix it but more healing i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 08:00:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18988549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinski/pseuds/slytherinski
Summary: Peter leaves voicemails on Tony's phone following the last stand against Thanos.





	But I Like to Think You Hear Me Sometimes

_“But I’m bereft, you see._

_I think you can tell._

_I haven’t been doing too well.”_

 

**_Accessing archived audio files from F.R.I.D.A.Y. Database. Source: Tony Stark’s cell phone voicemail, 426-476-6626._ **

 

_06/06/2023, 10:22 a.m._

_There’s silence for a few moments. Some rustling, finally, a deep breath. “...H-Hi Mr. Stark… I know you’ll never hear this. I’m not sure why I’m leaving it, to be honest. We had your funeral two days ago… I still haven’t really let everything sink in. I th-think I just called this number to hear your voice again, as pathetic as that sounds…” Another stretch of silence. “I… I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore. Please come back. The world feels… It all feels so wrong.” Click._

 

_06/07/2023, 8:37 p.m._

_“...Hey. Me again. I was feeling really lost when I called yesterday… But I don’t think I said everything I wanted to. I know you’re gone now, and I’m just talking into my phone, but for some reason… I don’t know, I- I felt a little bit better after I left the voicemail yesterday. Maybe it’s therapeutic? I don’t know. I don’t know where you are now, if you’re… Listening maybe, or looking down on me, or wh-whatever. I’m not really that spiritual, but I guess you weren’t either… It’s been really,_ really _, hard, Mr. Stark. Ms. Potts was really nice and offered to let me stay at the house for a bit, but I… I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be there surrounded by your stuff, seeing your pictures, your workshop… Morgan. All of it was too hard. I thought if I went home with May and saw all my friends again, things would start to feel normal, but… It just_ hurts-- _” His voice cracks. “We all miss you so much.” Click._

 

_06/28/2023 3:04 a.m._

_“I keep thinking this is all some horrible nightmare that I’m going to wake up from. The fight with Thanos, going to space, getting dusted… Watching you… watching you go. I don’t want to feel this way anymore, Mr. Stark.” His voice trembles now, throat tight with held back emotion. There’s audible sniffling between sentences. “I can’t sleep through the night anymore. May says-- May says sometimes she wakes me up because I’m sc-scr-screaming. I can’t put on the suit again, I d-don’t even w-wa-want to. How can I be Spider-Man again when I don’t feel like there’s anything left to fight for? I don’t want to be a hero-- I don’t even want to be me! I just don’t want to_ be here _anymore. I don’t want to live in a world without_ you _, T-Tony… I_ can’t _. I don’t know where we all went the first time Thanos snapped, but I know I’d rather be there than back here without you.” Click._

 

_07/01/2023 12:48 p.m._

_“May’s taking me to my first therapy session today. She’s been trying to get me to go since… well, since everything happened. Pepper too. They both think it’s a good idea for me to… talk to someone about how I’m coping or whatever… I don’t know. I don’t really want to talk to a stranger about everything I’m going through right now when I can’t even talk to my family. I guess Pepper found her through old SHIELD contacts so she’s in on all the Spider-Man stuff… One less secret to keep… I really don’t want to go. A grief counselor can’t just_ make _things okay again. I wish I could just talk to you instead.” Click._

 

_07/04/2023 7:12 p.m._

_“Hi, Mr. Stark. I know it’s been a couple of days. I thought maybe not calling back would maybe make me feel better but… I don’t know. I’m home by myself right now and I guess I was just feeling lonelier than usual… I don’t know why, but it’s easier to just delude myself into thinking I’m talking to you rather than try and talk to May or Ned or MJ… I know it sounds stupid.” A weak laugh. “Um, today is Cap’s birthday, I guess? Pretty ironic, huh? Oh, also, he’s like, super old now. I’m not really sure what happened there. Anyway, I guess a bunch of the Avengers got together but… I wasn’t really in the party mood. I don’t think anyone is, really, they all just wanted a reason to be together again but… I just couldn’t bring myself to go. It’s crazy, ten year-old me would never believe that I would get an invitation to Captain America’s birthday party one day, let alone turn it down… Um, therapy has been going okay. She’s really nice, but I guess she has to be because Pepper is paying for her to talk to me four days a week. I didn’t tell her about… this. The voicemails. I haven’t told anybody, actually. I don’t really want to.” Click._

 

_07/06/2023 2:53 p.m._

_“Therapy was different today. I don’t really think we’ve been ‘breaking ground’ or whatever they say about that kind of stuff, but I guess Pepper and Morgan were having a session with Dr. Dumont after mine and they all offered for me to stay… Maybe it was some kind of ambush, I dunno, but it was actually… kind of nice. I cried a lot. I’ve been crying a ton almost every day but this was different… Hearing Pepper talk about how she feels and everything she’s been going through… I think she’s the strongest person I’ve ever met. I can see why you married her. Morgan is still a little too young to really understand what’s going on, but she’s smart for her age.” The smile is audible. “Of course she is, considering her parents. She misses you a lot… I remember being in her shoes when I lost my parents and my Uncle Ben. Kids don’t really get it that young. I… I want to do my best to be there for her though, moving forward.” A long pause. “I told them how I felt kind of stupid for how upset I’ve been feeling. I guess there’s a smaller part of me that feels guilty I’m so affected by this. You were my hero and you became my mentor. I was worried it was nothing more than that and here I was acting as if you were my own dad who died. What kind of right do I have, y’know? I wasn’t family. I was just some kid with superpowers who you decided to give a little push. Pepper, she- she kind of talked me down from that. I don’t know if she told me that you saw me as much of a son as I saw you as a parent just to make me feel better… but I hope it’s true.” Click._

 

_07/06/2023 3:01 p.m._

_“Oh! I almost forgot. Tomorrow I’m leaving for my class’ Summer trip. We’re going to be going around Europe for two weeks. I’m not sure how good my cell service will be over there, so you might not hear from me for a while. Okay, bye.” Click._

 

_07/06/2023 3:02 p.m._

_“You know, I just realized I left my last message as if you’re actually getting them. Like you’d notice if I didn’t call for a couple of weeks… I guess this is me hitting a new low of insanity… Actually, I think now is the new new low considering I actually decided to call back and leave a voicemail explaining myself…” He sighs. Click._

 

_07/22/2023 5:19 a.m._

_“Hey, it’s been a while. I’m still a little jet-lagged, trying to get used to the time zone change and I can’t get back to sleep. I didn’t really get the chance to call during the trip, but I guess that was sort of the point. It… It was a good distraction, being with my friends-- and hey, I even confessed my feelings to the girl I liked. Turns out she likes me too, so she must be as insane as I am... Some really wild stuff happened along the way, but maybe I’ll tell you another time… it doesn’t feel that important now that everything is said and done… It’s crazy, I thought maybe it was just overflow of Iron Man and Tony Stark memorials because I live in New York, but they really care over there too, y’know? I guess saving the world has that kind of impact, huh… I don’t ever see myself as being something like that. Someone like you. Everyone keeps asking who’s going to be the next Iron Man. The public is noticing more and more the changes in my suits, the similarities to things you’ve built… I want to be flattered, I do, but I wish I could explain to them there’s no replacing you. No one could ever even try. If you were here, I know you’d say the exact same thing.” Click._

 

_08/04/2023 6:15 p.m._

_“So I’ve been trying to make a more conscious effort to put off calling this number. I finally told Dr. Dumont about it. She actually told me it’s a pretty normal coping method for loss, and that she thinks it helps me in a way. She also told me to try and rely on it less because I might be prioritizing talking to someone who’s already gone and can’t give me any support back over the people in my life who are still around to help me. I think I knew that once I started doing this, and at this point it kind of feels like habit. I find myself almost calling every other day to give you updates, ask questions I know won’t ever be answered… She’s right. It’s not the healthiest thing. She didn’t tell me I had to stop, which is good because I really don’t want to. At this point it just kind of feels like part of my daily ritual. Like I’m keeping a diary, even if I’ll never get to listen back to these. I think Pepper probably knows about these messages. She must. I mean, I’m surprised I haven’t hit the limit on this thing yet, so she has to be clearing them out so I can leave more which is… really nice of her. She really is the best.” Click._

 

_08/09/2023 11:20 p.m._

_“I know I said I would call less, but I couldn’t help it. Harley’s in town. He came to New York to see Pepper and Morgan before he goes back to MIT next week. We kept in touch after the funeral. He told me about all the stuff you did for him and how you and Pepper kept in contact with him after all those years… It’s kind of nice knowing I’m not the only one you took under your wing. He’s conked out in the living room right now so I guess we’re having a sleepover. Pepper had a bunch of us over for dinner at the lake house, including May and MJ-- Oh, MJ is my girlfriend now, by the way. I’m sure you’d have all kinds of advice for me if you were still around, and I’m sure I’d have to ignore it. No offense, ha, ha. I’m sure you were quite the ladies’ man back in the day, but I’m pretty sure you landing Pepper had to have been a fluke considering how you used to hit on Aunt May.” His laughter tapers off. It’s quiet for a minute, but there are no sighs or coughs or sniffles, just a pleasant silence. “It was the first time I’ve been back there since the funeral. I thought it was going to be too hard to stay but… I actually had a really good time. I’m starting to have those again, I guess.” Click._

 

_08/18/2023 7:47 p.m._

_“School starts back tomorrow. I’m supposed to be excited because it’s my Senior year but… I’m just thinking about the stress of trying to juggle Spider-Man with school work and exams and applying for colleges… MJ and Ned are helping me out, but now I just feel like I’m a burden on them, y’know? Happy’s been helping me with scholarship applications… he says I’ve got a full ride to pretty much any school if I want it but… It doesn’t feel right. I want to earn it. You taught me how important that was. So May and I are gonna make it work the best we can. The good news about being back in school is that my therapy sessions are dropping to only twice a week. I know I was complaining about them before but… I think they might be helping at least a little. It might just be time but… we’ll see. I… I miss you. I haven’t said that out loud in a while but I do. I really, really miss you, Sir.” Click._

 

_09/02/2023 2:09 a.m._

_“Hey, Mr. Stark. It’s been awhile since I last left a message. Hero work and school stuff has just been so hectic… I realized I missed talking to you-- well, not talking_ to _you-- you know that I mean. I guess you don’t. Agh--” Click._

 

_09/04/2023 9:35 p.m._

_“I thought I was getting better, Mr. Stark, I really did. I think I’ve just been faking it for everyone else. May has been so fucking worried about me a-and I hate that I keep pulling away from her. I hear her crying at night because she thinks she can’t help me, but that-- that’s not her fault! No one can help me out of this… this… I don’t know! Depression doesn’t feel like the right word for it. I’m not sad, or angry, or in denial, or whatever other steps the doctor keeps drilling into my head, I’m just… I’m_ empty _. I’m going through the motions and I’m trying to be a good son, a good friend, a good hero-- I just can’t do it anymore. I can web up henchman and swing around the city dealing with crazies trying to be super villains all I want, but none of that really matters, does it?” There’s a hitch in his voice, a few moments where it sounds like he’s struggling to catch his breath. “Nothing… Nothing is the same. Not with you gone. I don’t want to be an Avenger anymore. I just want to help people and now I can’t even do that right…” There’s some quiet sniffling and shifting around. “I just… I want you to come back. Please, sir… Please come back…” Click._

 

_11/17/2023 3:21 a.m._

_“I’m done. I’m done with all of it-- school, therapy, MJ-- I just can’t do it anymore! I’m done being Spider-Man. The people I care about keep getting hurt, and I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do!” His voice raises to hysteria. Footsteps can be heard, pacing around the room. “No matter how hard I try, I j-just ca-can’t protect everyone. I don’t know wh-what it was y-y-you saw in me that made you think I could. I’m s-so sorry I let you down, sir. H-How… How did you keep going?_ Fuck! _Fuck, I wish you were here, Tony. I need you here so I can ask you_ why _you did everything you did. I… I didn’t get enough time with you. None of us did.” Click._

 

_11/21/2023 4:51 a.m._

_For the first couple of minutes, all that can be heard is staccato breaths, staggered and shaking inhales and exhales before his voice starts, rough and high with tension. “You always knew he would come. You_ knew _and no one believed you. No one trusted you. I’m so sorry, Tony. I’m sorry you had to be the one to make the sacrifice-- that wasn’t fair. It’s not fair to you. It’s not fair that Pepper doesn't have a husband, and Morgan doesn’t have a dad, and Rhodey doesn’t have a best friend. You saved the entire world-- the entire universe!-- a-and look where you ended up!” A frustrated sound tears its way from his throat. “Why… Why didn’t you say no?! You should’ve-- You should’ve said no when the Avengers came calling. You were safe. You were_ happy _. You had a family and a life you always wanted and promised yourself, so why did you throw it all away?! I don’t care if that sounds selfish! I. Don’t. Care. You could’ve said no… You could’ve had everyone let go of the stupid notion you could bring everyone back no matter the cost and you could’ve gone on living your life. I don’t care that I was part of the people who got wiped out. We failed that day. The Avengers all failed and it should’ve been left at that. I’m_ angry _, Tony! I’m pissed off because no one else seems to be! They’ve all just… accepted it. They call you a hero a-and have their memorials and talk about you like you weren’t even a real person with a real life just like them, and now you’re dead.” The phone is pulled away. Heavy breathing can be heard, a few dull thumps and something shattering. Jostling. “Why am I even doing this? You’re not even here! You’ll_ never _be here again. The world is a shittier place without you. And I don’t mean without_ Iron Man _. I mean without_ Tony Stark _.” His voice finally breaks. A soft whimper and inhale of much needed breath. The voice is much calmer when it comes back, sounding tired and terribly young. “Pepper told me… she told me I was the reason you did it. She told me th-that you felt guilty after all that time. I’m sorry, Tony. I wish you hadn’t. I’m sorry I made you feel responsible for me. I never wanted that. I never wanted any of this...” Click._

 

_01/01/2024 12:13 a.m._

_There’s muffled music playing somewhere in the distance, away from the phone and through a wall or two. Voices can be heard, overlapping one another and too intertwined to make out anything specific beyond noise. There’s clinking of glasses and alcohol bottles, one sound of glass being set down on wood happening closer to the phone. A door opens, the music and cacophony of partiers get louder for a moment. A female voice can be heard. “There you are, Peter-- What are you--?” Click._

 

_05/29/2024 12:01 a.m._

_“...Happy birthday, Tony. I wish you could be here for it.” Click._

 

_12/14/2024 2:44 p.m._

_“...It’s me again. I know I haven’t called this number in… in a long time.” A deep breath. “I, um, I haven’t been in a healthy place for the last year or so… but… but I’ve been doing better. I think. I figured it was finally time that I maybe… do this again. I didn’t think it was such a bad thing at first, these voicemails. I thought they were helping, but I think they started to make everything that much harder. I wasn’t… I wasn’t letting myself move on… No, I’m doing better, I am, really. I thought after everything we went through with the battle against Thanos, that surely nothing else could be any worse than that, right? That’s not how life works, I guess.” He stops speaking for a few moments. Background noise can be heard, a passing car, the chirping of a bird, rustling of tree branches. “I’m in Cambridge right now. It was Harley’s graduation this morning. It’s really nice here in the winter time, just like you said it was. We’re all thinking of you today, Mr. Stark. Harley’s family is all here, Aunt May came down with all of us. Yesterday Rhodey took Morgan and me on a drive and told us about all the trouble you two used to get into around here.” A smile can be heard in his voice. “It was nice. Morgan’s getting so big. I see her a lot but every time it takes me by surprise. I thought that was one of those cliche things that only parents say but… it’s true.” A soft laugh. Another comfortable pause. “I, uh, I graduated high school. It was looking iffy there for a bit with all the Spidey stuff and trying to balance it all. MJ and I got back together, I don’t know how she puts up with me but she does. I’m… I’m taking a year off before I go to college though. May is being really understanding about everything, as always. I started going to therapy again, just once or twice a week. I kind of… I kind of was in a dark place with everything going on last year but… I’m fixing things. That’s the hardest part, but maybe not for you. You were always the best at it… the fixing...” There’s a sigh and another, longer pause this time. “I would say I owe you an explanation but… I guess I don’t. I never did. Because there is no_ you-- _at least not in the sense of you being around to hear all these messages. This was never about talking to you, specifically, Mr. Stark, although I’m sure you’re rolling in your grave at the slight to your ego.” Another laugh. A short beat of quiet. “I guess I just needed to keep pretending for a while. It’s why we wear masks right? To pretend we’re something we’re not. Like we’re bigger than we really are… but I guess you never really cared about the secret identity thing, huh? I think that says more to your character than any grand heroic death ever could.” There’s a distant voice, someone calling Peter’s name. “I should go… I’ll… I’ll call again soon. Or not. I don’t know.” Click._

 

_12/25/2024 8:26 a.m._

_Immediate rustling on the line, lots of background noise, voices, laughter, the sound of paper and clinking glasses and Christmas music. “Erm, hi there. So… I’ve got a special guest with me today.” The voice becomes muffled now. “Yeah… Yeah, just say hello. Here.” More rustling. “Hi, Daddy!” It’s a female, child’s voice now. “Merry Christmas! Petey told me about how he, um, calls you sometimes even though you’re not aroun’ anymore. I think that’s reaaaaally nice’a him. I woke Mommy up extra early this morning so we could all open presents together. Unc’a Rhodey is here, and Auntie Neb, and Petey, and MJ, and a bunches others I forget. I got all kinds'a fun stuff so far! Some, um, some coloring books, a train set, legos-- oh, we also get sent a bunches of stuff all the time from people who really love you, Daddy! Mommy and I make sure we give that stuff to people who need it more than we do, but we keep all the nice not-bought things like letters and pitchers an’ stuff. People really miss you. Me and Mommy ‘specially-- oh and Petey too-- oh, and he got me really cool tools for Christmas! They look a lot like the stuff you have in your workshop! Me and Mommy go in there sometimes for play time, and Harley and Petey like it too. There’s lossa stuff I can’t touch yet ‘cuz I’m not big enough, but I bet one day when I’m big like you I’ll be ‘llowed. Okay, I gotta go. Dum-E and U helped me and Mommy make dec’rations this year but they also knock ‘em down a lot too. I’m giving the phone back to Petey now, I love you and miss you three-thousand! Bye-bye.” There’s rustling and a thud. The phone’s been dropped. “So… yeah. I know this was kind of just a thing I did but… Well, Morgan’s started asking more questions about you and… and everything else. Pepper thought it might be a good idea for her to know we still have our ways of remembering you…” The phone is pulled away again, some more muffled voices, squeals of happiness and raucous laughter. “I better go now. Merry Christmas, Mr. Stark.” Click._

 

_3/10/2025 6:45 p.m._

_“So I fully expected the last time I called to be… well, the last time I called. But I… well, I got some news today and it would feel kind of wrong to not ‘tell you’. I… I got my MIT acceptance letter for this Fall. May’s ecstatic, of course. Sorry, sir, I decided not to use any of your pull when I submitted my application. I just wanted to make sure I could get in on my own merit and even though I was waitlisted, it looks like I’m in! Pepper’s offering to help with all the financial aid stuff-- well, insisting. Who am I to turn down free money right?... I might be getting ahead of myself, honestly. I’m not even sure if I’m going yet… I mean, it would be amazing. They’ve got great programs out there but… I don’t know if I can be Spider-Man down there. Not really a ton of options for skyscrapers to swing around on, y’know?” He laughs. Pauses. “Might be a sign that it’s time to hang up the suit. I mean… Things have been going really well for_ Peter Parker _outside of all that_ . _Got a great girlfriend, amazing friends, an Aunt who I already worry within an inch of her life, the other Avengers supporting me… Heck, there’s new superheroes popping up every month to join the ranks, it feels like. It’s not just a handful of us trying to protect the whole world anymore. I don’t think New York or anywhere else even really needs Spidey around. And maybe that’s a good thing. I kinda missed out on the fun teenage years with all that constantly-in-peril and trying-to-save-the-universe business so… Maybe I need to take a page out of you and Cap’s books and decide when it’s time to move on and prioritize my own life. Be a little selfish for once… We’ll see how that goes. Later.” Click._

 

_10/19/2025 10:03 p.m._

_The voice is soft and hushed from the start, a bit tired sounding. “Alright… Last call, for a while. Maybe for good, who knows. I just felt like calling one more time because… Well. I guess for no reason at all. I normally feel like I need something from this one-way conversation whether it’s to vent or cry or share with you the things I wish you were here to see for yourself. But here I am, sitting on the fifth floor of the library, doing research for midterms and having way more on my plate than I should for a freshman only half-way into his first semester in a biochem program, and I just… I thought of you. And I didn’t get sad. I just… I smiled and before I knew it I was pulling out my phone.” A break for a yawn. “I guess I should give you one last update if this really is going to be the last one of these I leave… I didn’t go to MIT. I know, I know, there you go, rolling in your grave again. I got really close, believe me, but it just didn’t feel right. I ended up staying in New York after all. I’m a regular NYU student by day, superhero by night-- well, on nights I’m not holed up here reading books until my brain melts out of my ears. MJ is going to art school in San Francisco so… we’re trying to make the long distance thing work. I know it’s cliche, and that every pair of high school sweethearts before us have tried it and failed, but we’ll just see how it goes. She’s really special, man. I think I found my Pepper.” Another stifled yawn. “I… I was pretty down on myself the last time I called. People_ do _need me, and I’m not ready to stop being Spider-Man. I was so in my head about ‘Peter’s’ and ‘Spider-Man’s’ lives being two sides of the same Me-coin, but this entire time I should’ve been listening to what you’ve been saying since day one. You’re still Iron Man when you don’t have the suit. Iron Man_ is _Tony Stark and Tony Stark_ is _Iron Man. The impact you had on the world while you were here… I think I’m starting to see everything you wanted to do really come to fruition, even after you’re gone. I… I think I can be that for people too, one day. Maybe I already am.” His voice drifts a bit, taking a beat or two to return. “I guess you saw that in me from the start, huh?” Click._

 

_06/02/2028 1:55 p.m._

_“...It’s been so long since I last did this I actually feel a little weird about it now. Wow.” A small huff of laughter. “Um… Right. I don’t really have any huge updates or anything this time. I know that’s kind of what these calls became. Honestly, I didn’t expect this thing to still be on but since I’m already here rambling…” He sighs, seems to collect his thoughts for a moment. “It’s the five year anniversary of the final stand against Thanos and his army. I almost can’t believe it… Five years without you… Today is a little insane. A National holiday all for you, Mr. Stark… The parades, the social media stuff, everyone in school talking about it… It’s a little too much for me so I’ve kind of stayed in today. It… It_ has _gotten easier, bit by bit. I’m probably gonna take off from campus pretty soon and go to the lake house… spend some time with Pepper and Morgan today-- god, she’s growing up so fast… I’m watching after them, sir. And they’re watching after me. We’re… we’re okay. But I think you knew we would be.” There’s a smile back in his voice. A quiet sniff. “Goodbye, Tony.” Click._

 

_04/12/2035 11:32 a.m._

**_We’re sorry. The number for the mailbox you are trying to reach is no longer in service. Goodbye._ **

 

_Click._

 

Peter listens to the dial tone for a while before finally dropping the phone away from his ear and ending the call. It’s been years since he last called. He knew it was safe to assume that Pepper would’ve eventually disconnected the number considering she only kept it active for his sake. Saint.

 

There’s a fleeting moment of sadness as he stares down at his phone, unable to ignore the hairs raised on his arms upon hearing the monotone, digital voice instead of Tony’s usual snarky greeting of “ _If you’re hearing this, I probably don't want to talk to you. If it’s that urgent, send me a text instead, for christ’s sake, who checks their voicemail these days?”_ He’d grown so accustomed to hearing that familiar voice against his ear that his blood ran cold the instant it was replaced by an automated system.

 

The shock passes quickly as he hears MJ call for him downstairs.

 

“Peter! Hurry up already, you always make us late!”

 

He quickly exits the bathroom and rushes down the stairs, immediately leveled with MJ’s patented stare. “Sorry,” he grins at her and reaches out, offering to take the wiggling infant in her arms.

 

She shrugs and passes her off to him. “Just means you’re on car seat duty,” she swings the car keys around on her finger and heads out the door.

 

Peter follows behind her, groaning. “I hate that stupid thing.”

 

“You have super spider strength to mangle all those straps in place, I don’t want to hear it!” She calls dismissively over her shoulder, flipping him the bird as she gets in the driver’s seat. His daughter gurgles disapprovingly in his arms and immediately starts to wiggle harder as she spots her dreaded destination of the car seat. Peter sighs.

 

The process took minimal casualties this time, just some tears shed by both parties and Peter ending up with a baby-sized foot in his eye on multiple occasions, before everyone was strapped in and ready to go. The drive upstate was one they had made plenty of times before, but it’s always more of an ordeal when there’s a baby on board.

 

“Oh my god,” MJ says as they approach the long and winding driveway leading to the cabin. Even from this distance in the mid-afternoon, bright, multi-colored spotlights can be seen shining upwards from the house. There’s holograms of fireworks bursting in the sky over the lake, and a handful of spaceships parked mid-air around the house, all of them covered with banners and streamers and balloons. “She certainly has her dad’s tastes.”

 

Peter smiles, peering through the window at the spectacle. “She sure does.”

 

There’s music filtering from the outdoor speakers set up around the house, balloon arches lined up and twinkly fairy lights strung up everywhere they could reach. Voices can be heard around back, too distant to make out who they belong to just yet. Before they even make it onto the front porch, the door is flying open and Morgan comes flying out, a blur as she skips the stairs all together and practically tackles Peter with a hug.

 

He manages to keep his ground for once, stumbling back and letting her squeeze the daylights out of him before he wraps his arms around her in return. “Hey, Squirt,” he laughs. “So you’re not too cool for hugs yet?”

 

She looks up at him, arms still locked firmly around his middle. She’s not much shorter than him now, almost nose-to-nose with him. Her eyes are so much like her dad’s, warm and whiskey-colored, framed by long lashes. She wrinkles her nose at him, the smattering of freckles there bunching up. “Not when I haven’t seen you in _months_.” She gives him another squeeze for emphasis before releasing him, immediately moving onto more important things. “MJ! You brought May!”

 

“Of course,” MJ smiles, accepting the much more controlled hug from Morgan before carefully handing their daughter off to the teenager. “Couldn’t keep her from her biggest fan.”

 

Morgan coos happily as she scoops little May Parker up, the baby squealing in delight and giggling as Morgan makes faces at her. They follow her back into the house, Peter setting her gift down amongst the others all piled up in the living room.

 

“Mom, look who finally made it!” Morgan cries triumphantly as she walks through to the dining room. “Your goddaughter! Oh, and her parents.”

 

“Be nice,” Pepper chides without any real heat as MJ and Peter come around the corner. “I’m so glad you two could make it,” she greets them with warm hugs before accepting the hot potato baby from Morgan’s arms. “Sweetie, you better get out back. Carol just landed and she’s ready to test drive those new gauntlets you made her.”

 

“Yes!” Morgan pumps her fist in the air and immediately tears out the back door, long, dark braid flying behind her. “Aunt Shuri, come check this out!”

 

“No more burning holes in the yard! We’re still recovering from the last time your Uncle Thor visited!” She yells out the door after her, covering May’s ears as not disturb her.

 

“Now that I’ve got to see,” MJ mumbled before heading out back herself.

 

Pepper flashes Peter an exhausted smile, eyes still shining past it all. “I’m really glad you could come. Morgan was going to be devastated if she didn’t get to see you.”

 

“And miss her Sweet Sixteen? Not for the world,” Peter smiles and peers out into the backyard. “Looks like the whole crew made it out.”

 

Avengers new and old are milling around outside, either sitting on the expansive deck, chatting and laughing with each other, or spread out around the yard or on the docks of the lake, which has plenty of activities despite it still being early spring and not exactly swimming weather. That doesn’t seem to deter anyone from taking part in the jet skis, floating inflatables, trampolines, and climbing walls. There’s the Guardians, Wakandans, Asgardians, and the more local faces Peter is used to seeing, all come together for their collective favorite niece’s party. Peter scans all the guests for any of Morgan’s friends he might not know as personally, but doesn’t seem to find any that aren’t part of or extensions from the heroes Peter’s come to know and trust with his life.

 

“Not a lot of teens at this shindig,” he notices aloud, glancing sideways at Pepper. One of their biggest shared worries was for Morgan, who was already scarily mature for her age, being able to grow up as a well-adjusted and cared for kid who had something very traumatic and public change her life at such a young age.

 

She sighs and gives a half shrug, bouncing baby May on her hip to distract herself. “Morgan really wanted a ‘family-only’ party this year. She… She has some friends her age from school and sports. They’re all good kids, too. It’s still just…” her expression falters. “It’s hard for her to be close to people who aren’t just…”

 

 _Obsessed with hero-worshipping her dead father?_ Peter thinks. Neither of them need to say it out loud. “Yeah,” Peter nods. He wraps an arm around Pepper’s shoulders. “It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to see you guys. Things still good?”

 

Pepper smiles at him, that comforting feeling back upon seeing her genuine happiness. “Still good.”

 

When Peter finally makes it outside, he’s met with a wave of excitement from the whole team, even the ones who see him on a fairly regular basis. He’s passed around between super-strengthed hugs and hearty pats and shoves that would send someone without enhanced agility flying across the lawn. There’s plenty of “I haven’t seen you in so long”s and “congrats on the baby”s thrown around, Peter easily falling back into the socialization of their Family. There’s catered food and an open bar-- dangerous but entertaining considering the company. Plenty of new war stories are passed around, and despite it being a day to give Morgan presents, she seems to have all sorts of new things to show off to the Avengers that she demands they demonstrate immediately so she can make adjustments accordingly.

 

As the evening winds down, Peter finds his moment to sneak away, slipping away to trudge off towards the woodline. He walks past the workshop and the garage, all the way to the little meadow at the edge of the property. Wild flowers are growing all around a simple, stone slab nestled in the grass, half covered in moss. Crickets are chirping all around him, the sun setting past the blossoming trees around the grove around him as fireflies blink to life, floating lazily around him. Peter slowly sinks down to sit on the springy grass, tucking his legs against himself and resting his chin on his knees.

 

He takes a deep breath. Smiles.

 

“Hey, Tony. It’s, uh… It’s been some time since I last did this,” he chuckles. “I guess wherever you are now, you don’t really need me to tell you everything that’s happened. Morgan is more and more like you every day. It’s starting to get uncanny to the point where I’m afraid you’re somehow possessing her body at times,” he laughs, the sound caught in his throat for a moment. He swallows it down. “She’s so great, Tony. You and Pepper really did make a good one. Every time I see her she’s just so beautiful and smart and _kind_ \-- ah, fuck.” Peter feels a tear escape, dripping down a his cheek. “I knew this was going to happen. I blame having a daughter. Now I’m extra sensitive to this stuff,” he laughs, swiping at his eyes as they continue to well up. “Oh yeah, I have a daughter now. She’ll be two years old here in a few months. Her name is May. May Antoinette Parker-- I know, I know, before you think I went full Harry Potter on you-- she’s not named after _you_ . Antoinette was MJ’s grandmother’s name. It just so happens to work out, okay? If she wants to start going by _Toni_ when she’s older, then I’ll know for sure your spirit can possess us.” He laughs through his tears. Peter takes a moment to think over his words, staring up at the sunset tinted clouds above him. “The world still feels wrong without you, but I don’t expect that feeling to ever go away… But nights like these, when we’re all together again… We all know why we get to have this. And we thank you every day for it.”

 

Before getting to his feet, Peter’s eyes are drawn back down to the stone. He leans forward, rubbing his thumb lightly over where the moss has started to grow over the words plainly carved into the grave marker in the earth.

 

_Don’t waste your life._

 

He smiles. “You didn’t, Mr. Stark.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I just had so much angst and not enough hands to hold it. Shouts out to Lana @librarybooks on here for letting me make her my guinea pig and tearing her heart out with excerpts and the first draft before posting this. Time to go cry some more now!!!!!!  
> Also I don't know if there's a canon date of when Endgame was taking place so I just made it up.
> 
> (Title and lyrics at the beginning from Nana by the 1975.)


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